Whisper
by Meatball42
Summary: Ianto is affected by a mist let loose by an unidentified alien. He seems to be unconscious. But what's really going on inside his head, and why are his eyes open? Ianto whump, Janto, songfic.


Author's Note: This is a songfic based on 'Whisper' by Evanescence, a wicked awesome song, I even put some of the lyrics in here 'cause they fit so well. Hope you like, and please review!

[*]

Jack Harkness turned back to take a last appraising glance at the body on the bed. He'd done all he could for Ianto, hopefully it would just be a matter of time now until the archivist woke up. Toshiko thought it was possible that the he was conscious and merely paralyzed, but besides the occasional fuzzy blinking Jack hadn't seen any signs that Ianto was aware of his surroundings. He sighed and reached for the light switch as he left the room.

[*]

_The cog door rolled open to blaring alarms and Toshiko Sato swiveled around at her workstation, eyes stretched wide in apprehension. Jack entered the Hub backwards, holding the top half of a body while Owen followed, clutching the person's legs. Tosh gasped, recognizing the dark suit under a layer of dust. She rushed into the medical bay and cleared Owen's paperwork from that morning off the autopsy table just in time for the two men to carefully set Ianto down on it._

"_What happened?" Tosh demanded of Jack, since Owen was already working on his patient. "He was talking to me just a few minutes ago!"_

_Jack pulled her back up the stairs out of Owen's way, and they watched from the level above as the medic began pulling off Ianto's ruined suit. "He got sprayed with some sort of vapor by the alien that came through the Rift. It's one I've never seen before, so I don't know…"_

_Tosh looked up when Jack's voice broke and saw him swallow hard, eyes locked on the figure laying unmoving on the table. She saw the way he was gripping the rail and put one of her smaller hands over his. "Jack, come tell me what happened," she implored quietly. "Owen will call us if we can help."_

_Tosh watched as Jack took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders, before turning to her and away from the med bay. "You're right. Let's go." He led the way back to the main floor, where Tosh now saw Gwen typing quickly at her workstation. Her teammate's concerned face looked up as they came over, green eyes wide. "How is he?" She asked anxiously, eyes flickering between their faces._

"_No change," Jack answered. Tosh's eyebrows rose a little at his calm and controlled voice, so different from the hoarse words he'd said to her. Filing the information away like she always did, Tosh spoke._

"_How did this happen?"_

_Gwen glanced at Jack, but their leader wasn't paying attention, doing something on Owen's computer. Tosh stole a glance; he was deleting CCTV footage of the disaster. She and Gwen watched the scene in fast forward over Jack's shoulder as it was erased._

"_We traced the signal to these buildings and spread out to locate the Rift spike," Gwen explained as the small figures on the screen did just that. "There's when Owen saw it." She pointed to a large, dark green blur on the screen and a smaller figure in black chasing it. "It had huge claws, he said, and it nearly took his head off, so he opened fire." Tosh watched Owen taking cover and firing as the others converged on the spot._

"_Jack got the kill shot, there." Gwen indicated when the alien slowed its attacks on the measly protection Owen had found and then collapsed. "We all came over, slowly. We thought it was dead." A few seconds later, the body seemed to puff up and deflate suddenly like a balloon._

"_You can't really see it on the camera, but there was a white mist that just blew out of its body. Ianto was closest, but it almost hit me too." Gwen pointed at the monitor, drawing a circle with her finger around the alien to indicate the radius of the spray. Ianto's figure was a few feet into the ring while Gwen's was barely on the outside._

"_He stumbled a bit, like he was dizzy, but he said he was fine, so we bundled up the alien and brought it to the SUV for autopsy. We were almost back when Jack said something to Ianto and he didn't respond. He was just staring, he didn't say anything." Gwen's voice was wobbling and Jack's shoulders had tightened. Tosh took a deep breath quietly so Jack and Gwen wouldn't hear._

"_Gwen," she asked softly, " can you check the police scanners, make sure no one reported the gunshots? See if you can smooth it over if they did." Gwen turned to Jack for consent, but he didn't look away from the computer. Gwen shrugged helplessly and nodded her acquiescence to Tosh, returning to her workstation._

_When Gwen was safely out of earshot, Tosh approached Jack, who was still staring at the screen and holding the mouse a hint too tightly. "Jack?" She said quietly. There was no response, so she moved closer. "Jack," she said louder. She peeked at his face and took in the dried tears. "Hey," she began, intending to reassure him before realizing there wasn't anything she could say. They didn't know anything about the alien or what Ianto had been attacked with, they had no idea how it would affect him, if he would even live. With the sudden comprehension, Tosh spoke more strongly._

"_We'll get a gurney and bring down the alien. We can set it out in the room we use to inspect artifacts, and I'll start analyzing it, try to find out what it did to Ianto."_

_When Jack still didn't move, Tosh gently grabbed his shoulder and pulled him to face her. "You can help him!" She said intently, conscious of Gwen typing away a dozen feet behind her. "You're afraid, I get that, Jack, I do! But you have to wake up!" She whispered with a hint of desperation. Normally, she'd never dream of ordering her boss around like this, but her friend was possibly dying and her captain was unresponsive. She stared into his eyes until he moved._

_Jack blinked away the last of his tears and nodded, standing up. Tosh nodded back and they went to fetch the alien._

…

"_He's stable," Owen announced, peeling off his gloves as he entered the conference room a few hours later. "'is heart is going unusually fast, but it isn't fluctuating. Same with breath and blood pressure. So basically, 'e's in a right spot o' trouble, but it's not getting worse the more we sit here talkin' about it." He sat down at the table and took a long draught from one of the Starbucks coffees Jack had fetched._

"_I might know why," Tosh answered, shuffling some printouts in front of her to find the right one. "I've analyzed the mist that came from the alien and tested it's effects-"_

"_You tested the effects?" Gwen interrupted indignantly. "On who?"_

_Tosh stole a quick look at Owen. "I borrowed some of Owen's rats." She winced, sure that Owen was about to explode the way he always did if anyone even _thought _about touching his pets without permission._

_Instead, the medic shrugged, ignoring the shocked look from Gwen. "What'd you find?" He asked seriously._

_A little flustered, Tosh continued. "It appears to effect the nervous system. I'm not quite sure how, right now, but the rats are exhibiting the same paralysis as Ianto, same increased cardiac and respiration rates, too."_

"_His eyes are open." Jack spoke up for the first time. He'd left the Hub after helping Tosh bring down the alien and returned an hour later with coffee as the only excuse for his absence._

"_Yeah, don't know why that is" Owen answered. "'is pupils are non-responsive, which is very bad, but when I closed 'is eyes they'd just open again a few minutes later. I've seen that in patients in vegetative states, sometimes. It usually means they aren't as knocked out as they were before, so, 'e could be comin' out of it."_

"_Or maybe he's actually awake," Tosh reasoned._

"_Wouldn't he have said something, or tried to communicate? If he can move his eyes, couldn't he blink a pattern or something?" Gwen asked._

"_Not if he's paralyzed," Tosh explained. "The mist seems to be absorbed into the brain through the tissue that separates it from the bloodstream. All I know now is that it's really increased the activity in his amygdala and hippocampus, two parts of the brain associated with emotion and memory, so he could be dreaming. Owen and I should be able to figure out more soon, but for now, I simply don't know what's going on inside Ianto's head."_

"_Not that we do anyway," Owen grumbled. He looked at Jack, who was staring into his coffee and at Gwen, who was looking a bit more positive since Tosh said 'dreaming.' _'As though that's a good thing_,_' _Owen thought._

"_Now for the bad bit."_

"_Oh, now's the bad bit?" Gwen said sarcastically. Owen pulled a face at her. _'Doesn't she ever know when to shut up?'

"_Yeah, now. Nothing terrible has 'appened just yet, for now Teaboy's pretty safe. Maybe we got lucky and the whatever-it-was doesn't kill humans. But the mist was released after the thing died, it's gotta be meant to kill or at least maim, like a booby trap. This could get a lot worse than unconsciousness and increased parasympathetic responses."_

_Tosh made a questioning face at Owen. _'Why would you say that?' _she motioned toward Gwen's fallen expression and the way Jack's face had become even more disconcertingly blank._

'They need to know!'_ His expression answered._

_Tosh shook her head. "In the meantime, Gwen, Jack, could you go through the Archive records on my computer, see if you can find any information on the alien?"_

_Gwen nodded, immediately declaring that they'd search the entire Archives if it came to that. Tosh looked to Jack to dismiss them like he always did at the end of a team meeting. Jack, however, was staring at the untouched Starbucks in his hands and didn't even look up as she trailed after Owen out of the room._

[*]

He's screaming. He's screaming from the absolute terror that's washing over every square centimeter of his body, setting it on fire with its icy sharpness. There are voices howling at him in the unbelievable darkness of this place, spirits that swirl around him in a tornado of wind and grasping, slimy hands, and he recognizes them and he screams.

It's every nightmare he's ever had, ever moment of fear and pain and dread wrapped into one. First-day-of-school-anxiety mixed with no-family-no-friends-no-lifelines-loneliness and risking-it-all-total-fear and burning-metal-tearing-at-my-hands-agony and if-Jack-takes-two-steps-forward-he'll-see-her-panic and first-time-shooting-a-person-horror and weevil-kills-that-man-seconds-too-late-guilty and they're-going-to-EAT-us-terror and Lisa-what-have-you-DONE-guilt/horror/fear/shame/love and he can't stand it and he's screaming.

And it's coming, at the edge of his mind, every second it gets a little closer and the memories and terror close in on him with more force and IT'S GETTING WORSE even though he has no idea how that could happen and all he knows is this: the worst is yet to come. He can't wait for it, the long-drawn out agony of his own life, the very worst parts, being pressed on him, slowly increasing, the worst kind of torture he's never considered.

He's absolutely alone, not a single thing to hold onto in this weightless sea of his own pain. He's sinking, he realizes, no, falling, since he can feel that the wind of the vortex that's swirling around him is going mainly in one direction. He's hurtling, towards that thing, that thing that's darker and more evil than that which is already choking him. His sanity, the bit of him that's still saying 'this can't be real, it's not all happening at once like this', the part that's denying this maelstrom of emotions, that sliver is crumbling under the weight of the memories. He's falling more and more, into an infinite hole of terror and he can't see any way out and then there's a light.

Warmth, and he suddenly realizes his entire body was encased in ice. A hint of yellow-orange, like a fire, flickering lightly in his ears. He grabs onto the feeling with all the energy he has left, digging in his nails, his teeth, throwing his all into clutching at this unknown unknown because it's SAFE somehow.

"…_can hear me…"_

"_-osh said…"_

"…_for me, Ianto? Can you…"_

It's the very essence of heat, that sound, and the more he reaches for it the brighter it is and the more the blackness and the screams inside his head are beaten back.

"…_if you can hear me, I need you to tell me, Ianto."_

'_I'm here!_' he thinks, not sure why. It sounded like the proper response, but he doesn't give it much though. The wind and the pain are still foremost in his mind and so he concentrates on the light, since that sound has stopped. It's yellow, he's positive, and his mind grasps onto the name. As he rescues more words from the emotional turmoil of the blackness he can identify the colors (_white, there, a bit of dark brown, a nice pink and blue, lots of blue_). After what seems like an eternity through the slightly decreased assault of his past pains, he surfaces with one word.

"…_Please, Ianto, can you hear me?"_

Jack.

The room snaps into focus instantly, and he realizes he's in one of the rooms set up in case any of them needed to sleep in the middle of a disaster and couldn't leave the Hub. He can see Jack and realizes the warmth he felt was the other man's two hands clutching one of his own. Jack's looking straight into his eyes and Ianto shudders at the guilt-ridden, scared expression on the man's face and the way his pupils are blown up the way he's seen on those few occasions when his lover has broken down and cried.

"Ianto, try to speak to me. If you're there, please, I need to know." Jack's voice was hoarse, pleading, and Ianto tries to respond, but the icy cold is still gripping him and he can't move. The knowledge send a fresh wave of horror through him and he screams again. What if he's trapped in the darkness forever, can't move, can't escape?

Jack's still staring right at him. '_How can he not see me?' _Ianto gasps. As the fear increases, his hold on the light and Jack moves into the distance like adjusting binoculars. The foreground is taken up by the images Jack's presence was blocking, the horrific creatures he'd seen from the Rift, Myfanwy clawing at Lisa's twitching body, his father's twisted face shouting. He's screaming again, at the image of Jack in the distance, but even so far away, the whisper is clear.

"I have to go, Ianto. Please wake up."

'_No Jack don't go, please, don't leave me here!'_ He's let go of Ianto's hand and the cold rushes in to fill the gap. The light is fading and he starts to cry, shrieking after the retreating figure. He felt so safe a few moments ago with Jack, he needs Jack! He doesn't know what they are right now to each other, but he knows he's never felt safer than when he's with the immortal and he's never felt less safe in his entire life than right now.

Another memory comes to the surface: at the Breacon Beacons, lying on the bloody floor of the room where he's been kept, ears still ringing from the gunfire, vision swirling and every inch of him throbbing in pain to the beat of his heart. Warm arms gently lift him and surround him, that exquisite scent breaking through the haze of pain and fear. _"I'm here, Ianto, it's over. It's all over."_

The flood threatens to overtake him again, and his mind groans with despair. He wants to give up. It's too much. He can let go, right now, let the pain go away. But he keeps himself tethered to the small strip of light that's still making it through as he watches Jack. The man has stood up, and as Ianto watches, he closes his eyes. Ianto wonders what the captain is thinking, what he's going to do. Jack sighs and turns toward the door and Ianto feels another fission of fear.

'_He's going to leave me.'_

The sight of Jack blurs and Ianto panics before he realizes it's tears. He blinks, trying to get rid of the barrier between Jack and himself, needing that image to give him the strength to hold on. It's so tempting now, with those demons, Lisa and his father and the Daleks trying to drag him back down into that darkness, it's SO temping to will it all away, to let go of Jack and sink into the silence he can feel waiting for him.

"_Come to me, Ianto."_

It's Lisa's voice, calling to him from that silence, that peaceful place. But, should he go? Jack is mere feet away, he's walking unbelievably slowly toward the door. Jack is right there. But Lisa is calling him. Should he let go?

"_Come, NOW!"_

She never screeched like that, and he screams again. By now, he knows that Jack can't hear him, but he seems to have no control over his emotions and can't help the waves of terror that are washing over him. _'That's not my Lisa.' _He knows, it's the Lisa from the dark, the one that looked like an angel with eyes like Death. She's swimming in front of his vision, now, in front of Jack, and she's all around him, laying on this bed beside him like she always used to with her head on his chest and her dead eyes burning his. _"Come down with me, Ianto."_

He blinks again, trying to force away the gruesome, twisted image that came from what was a lovely memory. _"It's me, Ianto, you know you want to leave with me. You want to see me again."_

It's true, of course. If he lets go, will he see her?

Her eyes are glowing, now the same beautiful chocolate brown he fell for years ago, but she's translucent and he can see Jack through her.

Jack turns his head around for one last look, hand reaching for the light switch. Ianto calls to him with desperation to leave the light on, come back! Because if the light goes out, that last light that's keeping him sane, he will give in to Lisa and leave.

"Ianto?" Jack says, seeming confused. His hand leaves the light switch and Ianto nearly crows with relief. More tears, of happiness this time, blur his vision as Jack rushes back and falls to his knees beside the bed. Jack takes his hand and the vision of Lisa disappears. "Ianto, are you there? Can you hear me?" His other hand reaches to Ianto's face and wipes away the tears which were trickling down his cheeks. "Tell me you're there, Ianto!" Jack's voice is vivid, hope and happiness and _light_ and he blinks the remaining tears away so he can see the bright blaze of those eyes he's still falling for.

Jack's grin practically splits his face in two as he reaches to wipe away the new tears. "I knew it, I knew you wouldn't die," he says intensely, and Ianto smiles inside. The darkness is gone, his whole self is bathed in the warmth of Jack's eyes and his smile and his touch. "Do it again."

Ianto blinks again, and again when he figures out that he can control it now. He tries to move his hand in Jack's, but he doesn't have that much strength yet.

"I knew you'd come back," Jack whispers.

The last bit of darkness is purged away. Jack is here and he knows he will be safe. The corner of Ianto's mouth twitches up.


End file.
